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Sailing Jokes – Sailing – Sail Away Girl

Hello Sailors,

Well I am still having issues with my site, but decided that some levity was in order. So today will be a post of Sailing Jokes so I can continue to keep my sense of humor about my website issues. Hopefully, I’ll end up with a post today. If you are seeing this, then I was successful!


Sailing Jokes – 1:

Sail Away Girl Good Practice
This is the actual transcript of a radio conversation between a British Navy ship and the Irish Coastguard, off the coast of Kerry, 1O.Oct 95


Irish. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south, to avoid collision

British. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north, to avoid collision

Irish. Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south ‘ to avoid collision.

British. This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Irish. Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course

British. THIS IS THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY 3 DESTROYERS, 3 CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT SHIPS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES TO THE NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS FLOTILLA.

Irish. THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE ……. YOUR CALL!


Sailing Jokes – 2:

Sail Away Girl Talk Like a Pirate

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”

“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”

The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”

“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”

“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”

“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”

“Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye.”

“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird poop!”

“Well,” says the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”

Sailing Jokes – 3:

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.

Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain’s quarters and open a small safe.

In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up.

After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love?

Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and… The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:

Port Left, Starboard Right.


Don’t forget to enter to win the beautiful Mugaritz cookbook I am giving away to one lucky follower. One entry per person please and good luck! Enter by April 30, 2014.

sail_away_girl_mugaritz_cover

See you on the water,
Sail Away Girl